Grocery list:
Get little sticky notes for reminders.

Dreams…. We bought a 4 bedroom home on some land, already fenced for our kids, and then our grandkids to come.  Someday….laughter again of little lives as they JOYFULLY played in their OWN parents back yard.  The same dreams my children had.  Those plans changed. 

NO ONE ASKED ME.  NO ONE ASKED CHARLES. THERE WAS NO CONSULTING OF ANY OF US.  BUT….. God doesn’t “consult”, we obey and then there is joy.  We raised our two children there….a 3 year old.  The other a newborn of 3 months.  We all began leaving in 18 years.  Two of us against our will because WE THOUGHT IT WAS BAD TIMING.  

That is one of the many things Invisible Disabilities do.  Sometimes the “invisible” APPEARS you are OKAY with it.  YOU chose it.  This was what YOU wanted.  Maybe, but this wasn’t the best timing at all.  Our family grieved, dreams began crashing for those beyond Charles and I.

But as if some miracle happened….we saw the best choice…..  we chose JOY.  

Another day in Cathy's Life (4)My daughter was into photography. In our first apartment near the medical centers doctors was where we landed first.  She practiced on me.  Most of our furniture gone to those who needed it., we went back to the Honeymoon days. I LOVED that apartment.  I was very happy there and the pool was perfect for the exercising. Those working at the complex praised me on- soon I was doing more, and faster.  But soon, realizing we could not rent because of taxes, Charles found a two bed room condo.   Joy and Sorrow.  I loved the new condo.  We were on an adventure on our favorite  side of town.  Many experiences we still cherish there with the young college students, etc….. BUT the day came when we had to chose JOY  first, again.

JOY,   Just get Over Yourself.

Now, speaking of JOY…. There are others JOY that is directly related to them but the offense wasn’t theirs.  It wasn’t their fault.  But… because they took vows seriously, they decide JOY or BITTERNESS.  


He found the apartment first, then the condo.  It was against what he wanted
also, but he knew our stress depended on our choices as we didn’t have support way out in the suburbs.  Interestingly enough, the few who helped … BELIEVED us.  Many others had UNBELIEF and that is the scar that takes a long time to heal. 

To be in need, desperately, and at times, not knowing if I would make it or not.  And not really anyone to tell.  Yes, it affected our marriage, but we work on that yet can still have joy in our hearts.  This is the man who is my caregiver… the one with the smile.

One rumor:  “he should just leave her…its no life for him.”  VOWS and JOY.
Some weight gain, hair a fright, rarely able for much, and few to talk too, we answered “fine”.  We, like other “invisibles”, stepped through tulips, as judgment is high if you look to good.  Why don’t you do XYZ?  Why aren’t you going?  Why, Why, Why.  Never asking for the REAL truth, but basking in what appears.  For us?  Tears, laughter, isolation, visitation, ….. Joy and Sorrow.  As a whole – WE CHOOSE GOD AGAIN.  It’s always been the best way.The two of us.




Have you had friends/family put you in against a corner with no way to answer?  Only because there had been no interest to understand in the beginning.  Of course it hurt.  It feels like there is a lack of love.  It’s all about everyone else that we hardly know and surely can’t get to help them.  But, yes, we are interested.  We just can’t take everything in at times.  Somehow, it always seemed backward to us.  To be concerned about things while death was near at times, yet to “afraid”(?) to ask.  It’s not strange, it’s pretty normal.  But when it is like God intended – friends, family near when things are bad….. I know for a fact it is a comfortable way to go, if “going” was happening. 

Colors of Turners Collage

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