If you think the clouds are beautiful, then think again. Those aren’t clouds, and we need Superman! Here is enough evidence for me…. And I hope you will take it too heart!
Published by chatcat76
In suffering, an advocate is born. And also lots of empathy as we see into another's soul. It's a gift...yes, it can actually be a gift. Some are difficult to handle or open, but often they are the ones that serve us well. Undoing the ribbon can be terribly frustrating! Being "un-able" to do what others do at times, causes us to look for other avenues. We don't easily give up. I focus on validation, (yes, we are all crazy!), and my passion... The love of travel! Yep, those two are interesting, and add a service dog in the mix! I base how I am "perceived" by what others say who know me well... "Positive" (you've got to be kidding, I had no clue you were disabled) and my favorite by my personal Mr. Taxi Man, Cleo .... "What a gift to take you places because you leave me with a smile and who would know all you and Mr. Charles deal with - what an honor to serve you"! WOW....does that help when we are beaten down like a nail in sand? Our family and close friends THINK they know us, but those who spend the most time with us and LISTEN to what we are really saying, are those who see who we really are. In fact, those who have their own opinions of myself, I realize they are those who NEVER asked me "what do you think"? "Or how are you?" (and allow an answer!) They do the thinking for me! We who have a "dis-abling" issue are stronger than imagined. And that's because we are quicker to ask for help on a much higher plane and are more accepting of the answers. "Thy will be done". In 2001, A 16 year old hit me 3 times, sending me across the heaviest freeway back and forth. Calmly, I though" So this is how I will die". Nothing else, just waiting for the bang I would not hear. No regrets. Nothing. But a miracle happened and I lived. I landed on the grassy part separating freeway from feeder. Shocked, dazed, hurting, I knew I would be fine in a couple of weeks. Never did I realize I would be thrown in a world, a foreign world, where little love was shown, but critical judgments were given even though my issues were not understood, and frankly weren't interesting. Death could have been mine, and a few times later. But I discovered to my deepest sorrow, no one cared. Maid, baby-raiser, cook, cleaner... I wonder if I had a name? That is when I realized my love for others and the burning desire to help, as I'd been taught, was not the norm. I discovered a world in which I thought was love, there was disbelief. I thought my family loved me, and they do, but it's like other "chronic illnesses"... they won't accept education. I thought our marriage would hold up (it did, it just got hard for a while)....but when you paddle together for many years, alone... weariness sets in. You hold on, trying to ignore the words of those you love beat you down more and more. I'm thankful for this gift of understanding. Yet I hope few travel this road. I did learn who were my friends, and that was a shock. Believing lies that were told. I learned the one I thought loved me was the one with lies. Or rather fears that caused lies, that caused a separation. I see families join for a cause, who love, who give...and realize we can train up ours, but when the chips are down, the REALNESS appears. It hurts to know, it hurts to smile, it hurts to love, but in reality...they are missing out on a close relationship and I will keep hanging on to those who still respect me and have a great time. As one doctor said "say goodbye to those who aren't friends, but are pretenders". Morphine does not cure that hurt. Advocacy is a great way to unleash the need to talk, and to help another. Maybe someday my prayers will be answered and I will be healed, but for now, "thy will be done" and "My grace is sufficient for you. There is one who never let's us down. And the best thing I've done is not look at FACE BOOK much and only look at what is mine. It hurts to see others suffering with good support and concern. I DO NOT want attention, but we do need HELP. To see my family still close knit, but I'm missing...will always hurt. But I understand more than they do... I've read the information and they haven't. And they aren't interested. And that's okay. My job is to accept no matter how hard. I began this blog to tell the truth about what life is really like. But I was afraid... who would see it? Now that I'm older, I have no hate, no unforgiveness... nothing. Just great sorrow that we have all missed on many memories, because of getting information from wrong sources or not asking me. Keep plugging on. We aren't living for this life but the life to come. No matter what you are accused of, there is One who knows the real answer and reason! ChatCat76 Cathy Turner View all posts by chatcat76